Hi friend,
I’m continuing the series of video interviews, and the latest episode of The Rășcanu Show features a conversation with Daniel Verkoeyen. a licensed Funeral Director, Embalmer, Co-Owner of Rest In Peace, and author of “Grief Bleeds: Healing in Loss.”
You can watch the full interview with Daniel on YouTube.
Daniel’s approach turns grief into a series of logical steps; this doesn’t make the pain disappear, but it provides a map for the healing journey.
Here are three lessons that you may find helpful from the interview:
- Filter the “Debris” from Your Healing Process
Daniel describes “debris” as the unhelpful platitudes or internal guilt that can infect an emotional wound.
Phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “at least they aren’t suffering” are often well-intentioned but can actually act as irritants that prevent the wound from closing.
If you are grieving: Give yourself permission to mentally (or even verbally) dismiss advice that feels like “debris.” If someone offers a platitude that hurts rather than helps, recognize it as an external “foreign object” that doesn’t belong in your healing process.
If you are supporting someone: Avoid the “at least” phrases. Instead of trying to fix the pain with logic, simply acknowledge the wound. Your goal is to be a shield for them, not a source of more debris.
- Use “Saline and Pressure” (Tears and Touch)
In the medical world, saline cleanses and pressure stops the bleeding. In Daniel’s metaphor, these are tears and physical connection. He notes that crying isn’t just an emotional release; it’s a biological necessity to reach “homeostasis.”
The action: Stop trying to “be strong” by holding back tears. Think of crying as “washing the wound.” If you are supporting a friend, don’t just offer words; ask if they need a hug. Daniel’s story about the woman at the mall proves that an appropriate physical connection can “slow the bleed” in a way words never can.
The mindset: Shift your view of crying from a sign of weakness to a vital part of “wound hygiene.”
- Aim for “Healing,” Not “Getting Over It”
One of the most profound takeaways is Daniel’s distinction between healing and getting over it. You wouldn’t tell someone who lost a finger to “just get over it”; you would help them learn to live with the scar. A scar is not a sign of failure; it is a permanent testament to the love that existed.
If you are grieving: Accept that you will never be the “same” person you were before the loss. Stop measuring your progress by how close you are to your “old self.” Instead, look at your “scar” as a badge of the legacy left behind by what (or who) you lost.
The perspective shift: Remind yourself that pain is the price of love. If there was no love, there would be no wound. The presence of the scar means the love was real and remains a part of your story.
Are there any other take-aways that stood out to you?
If you enjoyed the video interview and would like to get a copy of Daniel Verkoeyen’s book “Grief Bleeds: Healing in Loss”, learn more about it here. I bought the book, enjoyed yet, and decided to feature it here as I think that if it helps even one person on his/her journey to healing it will have served its purpose.
Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect.
Until next time,
Alex Rășcanu
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